Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
