why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sarcasm needs its own font
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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