what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
