i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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