I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
