8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
