Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
