remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
