if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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