is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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