We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're too hungover to prance.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
