if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
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