STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
