On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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