I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
