Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
