we're blogging at a bar
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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