laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
