After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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