he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
