i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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