Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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