I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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