Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
