I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
