Do you still have your period?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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