What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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