a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
