Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
