why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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