I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize