I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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