Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
