Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
