My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
