You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just had sex on a roof
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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