i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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