i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
