I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
