who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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