On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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