drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
