Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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