so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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