The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
