If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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