Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
