We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize