Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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