did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just want nice things and good sex
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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