Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
