i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
