I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
