Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
