I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
