God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You are the jesus of drinking
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
