nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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