Already got asked if we're dating
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
