So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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