So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
