Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
