In America we eat man semen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
