I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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