I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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