He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
