i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
